WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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