Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
