What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
