It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
