I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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