I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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