She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
