Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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