we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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