I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
