Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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