my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
