Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
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