He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
