I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I need a burrito and a hug.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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