oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
