I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
