I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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