don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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