I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
