Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
