I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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