Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
