I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
