So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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