Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
