She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Still dying that you shit outside
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
