Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
