if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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