You're my little dorito
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
