It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
