I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
