I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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