whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
false alarm, still single
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
