I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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