Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
