so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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