Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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