just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
