he wants to bone in the snuggie
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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