The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
