somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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