I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
