Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
