I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He felt like a one man threesome
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
