A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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