i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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