dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dignity is for republicans.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
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