get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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