OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
