the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
