i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
