You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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