Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
