I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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