Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
