her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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