its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
