I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
