remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
