I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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