i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
