How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
