I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
