I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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