yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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