he told me I talked like a deaf person
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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